Original Conclusion for Beyond The Game
When you go to a sporting event or more specifically a baseball game, you’re going to want watch the game and I understand that. But I ask you this, the next time you’re at a game and it’s not fulfilling all of your expectations then just take a look around see what’s going on, you may be pleasantly surprised that the game you’re at isn’t the most exciting thing going on.This is my first conclusion to Beyond The Game which in my opinion is the best. I really tried to make it so if for some reason the reader didn't exactly understand what I was talking about, the conclusion would clarify it for you!
All of my possible conclusions for this paper give generally the same point. The wording in all of them is obvoiously different however the point is the same and that is that if you aren't interested in a sporting event, look around you may be surprised what you see.
Here are two more possible conclusions for my 7 deadly sins paper
During every sporting event, the actual sporting event isn't the only thing going on. You could be counting down the minutes to the final whistle of the game when you look down a few rows and see a middle aged man sound asleep. You may think to yourself, how is this relevant? Well, this new found sleeper at the sporting event may give you something to laugh at for the remaining minutes of the game you're at. All I ask is that next time you're at a sporting event and you have lost all interest in what's going on, take a look around and take note of what you see, you may be pleasantly surprised.
Now, I completely understand that not ever baseball game is going to hold your attention for over two hours and I've come to accept that. Being a baseball player myself I even find it difficult at times to actually sit down and watch an entire game, I can even remember a few instances where I actually stood up and left the game because it was just too much to watch. If you are relating to what I'm saying right now and you find yourself standing up and leaving in the middle of sporting events that you spent your hard earned money for then I ask you to do one thing. Next time you're at a sporting event and you're thinking about standing up and going home early, take a look around first, a lot of times you will see things that will grab your attention and keep you interested in the game for just long enough for the game to be completed.
Hi Andrew:
ReplyDeleteConsider adding your original conclusion to the beginning of this and to introduce it a bit more. Analyze the original and then talk more about each revised draft.
What do you like about each one including the original? What needs work?
Which one is best in the end? What do you think about what your peers said? In the end, what did you learn about writing introductions? This might be a nice way to end this post and then to include that learning in your "Letter to the Reader" later.
Ms. Basko